I’m not ready to write a lengthy blog post about losing Mom. I may never be. I’m realizing that grief is weird, and no explanation is needed to validate how I’m feeling.
It’s been a week and one day since Mom passed away. My home has been filled with family and friends since the night she left. My days have been busy making funeral plans and taking care of guests. Today is the first day that my life is “back to normal”- whatever that means. I don’t think life will ever go back to normal, but it’s still time to get back to work, pack school lunches, and be a responsible mom who gets her kids to bed on time.
Even though I know it okay to feel wacky, this whole thing feels endlessly strange. When mom first got sick, and while she was living with us, I had so many thoughts that I enjoyed sharing here on my blog (most notably this post and this post). Writing became a sort of therapy for me, and I found comfort journaling my more private thoughts that I didn’t want to publish here.
I find it odd that I have no desire to share my thoughts on mom’s death here. I’m a pretty open book and don’t mind sharing my thoughts, feelings and opinions. It’s why I’m a blogger. However, I have no desire to actually process my thoughts or feelings right now. Sharing them here would mean actually having to mentally process Mom’s death.
I know that I don’t have to share the news of Mom’s death here on my blog. But I want to. I may not ever feel ready to share my thoughts and feelings with you on this blog, but I still want you to know she’s gone. I shared so much of her journey here that it only seems right to share her passing as well. I have blog projects that has to be fulfilled over the next couple of weeks, and I can’t bring myself to start work on those projects until I let you know what is going on in my real life.
My real life is messy and crazy. Life has been a blur since Mom went into the hospital a week and a half ago. Life feels fuzzy and not right. I have to figure out a way to adjust to life without mom, which also means adjusting to life as a legal guardian to my 14 year old little brother.
Your thoughts, prayers, and kind messages have meant so much to me during the last 6 months. Having your support has meant the world to me. Thank you for everything.
Cheers to Mom’s next great adventure.